THE WAR ON THE PIGEONS
I love trees,pets and birds.In my compound there are many big trees.In my orchard,there are many peach,apricot and fig trees with ripe,juicy fruits at
this time of the year,and all the birds,both my insiders and outsiders,are allowed to come and have their share.They are also allowed to build their nests,and to breed and multiply.But I hate the pigeons.They are my sworn enemies.The reason;they make their abode on the roof of my house,in the unreach
-able corners.They pollute my rain water with their droppings before it reaches
the storage tank.
A pigeon is defined as a bird that lives in the cities.I don't know why.Just to
make city life more difficult?It's ironic that the pigeons prefer to live near
us,but they aren't our friends.The crow is not friendly,but at least it lives
far away from us.
Pigeons are a constant nuisance near flats.Flat life is already plagued with
lack of space,shortage of water,power failures etc.Pigeons add insult to injury
by settling at nooks and corners.
I'm fighting a war against pigeons on two continents,like the war on terror
launched by George Bush in Afghanistan and pakistan.My war fronts are my flat
at kanjikuzhy and here on top of my house at Delareyville,South africa.
The war here is almost won,thanks to the heroic efforts of Appu,my cat (see his
photo in my profile).Last year,he caught 7 of the 10 pigeons on the roof,when they inadvertently landed on the ground.That he will wipe out of the rest is a
foregone conclusion.
Indeed,last year I had initiated peace negotiations with the pigeons.I invited
the leader of the pigeons.The leader was clever enough to talk from the roof
top,because Appu was watching the proceedings.Our conversation went like this:
Kuri
How are you ?
Leader
Fine.Thank you.
Kuri
Why can't you make your abode on top of trees,like other birds ,and leave me
alone.
Leader
Not possible.We are superior birds.We prefer buildings.
kuri
But I'm the owner of the house.
Leader
That doesn't matter.You have full authority inside the house.We have our
rights on the rooftop.
Kuri
Are you challenging me?
leader
Not challenging you.We are excercising our constitutional rights.
Kuri
So you are stbborn.It's in your own interests to vacate the roof.
Leader
No way.We shall leave if you buy another house and give the roof for
our use.
Kuri
Nonsense.Don't dig your own grave,I warn you.
Thus,our peace negotiations ended in a deadlock.
The pigeons at kottayam are smaller than the ones here,but smarter,fearless
and defiant.They even land on our dining table if the doors are left open.
They take advantage of our absence from Kottayam for 11 months.Even when we
are in India,we sleep there only a few days.When we go for vacation,it takes
a big effort to clean the balcony,which is full of droppings.The culprits'base
was unreachable,even though it was near the kitchen.In November,we had had the
base camp raided,and net was fixed as a preventive measure.
Long before,I had suspected that there was some sort of communication between
the pigeons here and the ones at Kottayam.With the use of a new electronic
device,I recorded the communication,and decoded it.It went like this:
SA Pigeon Leader
How are you there at Kanjikuzhy?
KTm leader
Not so fine.We are in trouble.
SA Leader
What trouble? How was Christmas and New Year ?
KTM Leader
Both days were really hell.You know,the fireworks.Those days were black
days for us.The noise,the smoke,the foul smell.
SA leader
I'm very sorry to here that.Are the problems over ?
KTM leader
No.The worst part is that we are homeless now.That Pahayan,Kuri, organized
some painters and workers to raid our camp.The young ones were strangled
and the eggs were broken,and they fixed a srong net to keep us out.
SA leader
Very very sorry.
KTm leader
We have no option but to come there.
SA Leader
What? To fly here.Here the situation is too risky.You know,that pahayan
has come back.Our number 1 enemy,Appu is also back.I thought he was dead.
KTM leader
Don't say 'no'.Our situation is so desperate,between the devil and the deep
sea.
SA leader
If so,come.We shall face all the odds together.
KTm leader
We start our flight from here on 1st March.We have a stop-over in Seychelles
for the night.We will be landing there on the second,in the evening.
SA leader
Ok. We will wait for you.
I showed the transcript to Appu,and we immediately started emergency
discussions.Our conversation went like this:
Kuri
Appu,we are in deep trouble.The pigeons from Kottayam,36 of them,are
coming here.
Appu
So what ? Don't worry,boss.I shall deal with them.
Kuri
How? The Kottayam pigeons are cunning,just like the people there.
Appu
Leave this matter to me,man.I shall catch them all,one per week.
Kuri
If the worse comes to the worst,I will buy an airgun.
Appu
Don't waste money on a gun while I am in charge.Buy me high-quality catfood
and fresh milk.I have another idea.I want to organize a women's squad,training
my wives,and keep them as reserves,in case..
Kuri
Good idea,but I can't feed all your wives.
Appu
You have to spend lavishly to get things done.
Kuri
Well, I shall think about it.
We shake hands.We clap hands,like beach volleyball players. We conjure up
images of the impending battles.
* * * *
I love trees,pets and birds.In my compound there are many big trees.In my orchard,there are many peach,apricot and fig trees with ripe,juicy fruits at
this time of the year,and all the birds,both my insiders and outsiders,are allowed to come and have their share.They are also allowed to build their nests,and to breed and multiply.But I hate the pigeons.They are my sworn enemies.The reason;they make their abode on the roof of my house,in the unreach
-able corners.They pollute my rain water with their droppings before it reaches
the storage tank.
A pigeon is defined as a bird that lives in the cities.I don't know why.Just to
make city life more difficult?It's ironic that the pigeons prefer to live near
us,but they aren't our friends.The crow is not friendly,but at least it lives
far away from us.
Pigeons are a constant nuisance near flats.Flat life is already plagued with
lack of space,shortage of water,power failures etc.Pigeons add insult to injury
by settling at nooks and corners.
I'm fighting a war against pigeons on two continents,like the war on terror
launched by George Bush in Afghanistan and pakistan.My war fronts are my flat
at kanjikuzhy and here on top of my house at Delareyville,South africa.
The war here is almost won,thanks to the heroic efforts of Appu,my cat (see his
photo in my profile).Last year,he caught 7 of the 10 pigeons on the roof,when they inadvertently landed on the ground.That he will wipe out of the rest is a
foregone conclusion.
Indeed,last year I had initiated peace negotiations with the pigeons.I invited
the leader of the pigeons.The leader was clever enough to talk from the roof
top,because Appu was watching the proceedings.Our conversation went like this:
Kuri
How are you ?
Leader
Fine.Thank you.
Kuri
Why can't you make your abode on top of trees,like other birds ,and leave me
alone.
Leader
Not possible.We are superior birds.We prefer buildings.
kuri
But I'm the owner of the house.
Leader
That doesn't matter.You have full authority inside the house.We have our
rights on the rooftop.
Kuri
Are you challenging me?
leader
Not challenging you.We are excercising our constitutional rights.
Kuri
So you are stbborn.It's in your own interests to vacate the roof.
Leader
No way.We shall leave if you buy another house and give the roof for
our use.
Kuri
Nonsense.Don't dig your own grave,I warn you.
Thus,our peace negotiations ended in a deadlock.
The pigeons at kottayam are smaller than the ones here,but smarter,fearless
and defiant.They even land on our dining table if the doors are left open.
They take advantage of our absence from Kottayam for 11 months.Even when we
are in India,we sleep there only a few days.When we go for vacation,it takes
a big effort to clean the balcony,which is full of droppings.The culprits'base
was unreachable,even though it was near the kitchen.In November,we had had the
base camp raided,and net was fixed as a preventive measure.
Long before,I had suspected that there was some sort of communication between
the pigeons here and the ones at Kottayam.With the use of a new electronic
device,I recorded the communication,and decoded it.It went like this:
SA Pigeon Leader
How are you there at Kanjikuzhy?
KTm leader
Not so fine.We are in trouble.
SA Leader
What trouble? How was Christmas and New Year ?
KTM Leader
Both days were really hell.You know,the fireworks.Those days were black
days for us.The noise,the smoke,the foul smell.
SA leader
I'm very sorry to here that.Are the problems over ?
KTM leader
No.The worst part is that we are homeless now.That Pahayan,Kuri, organized
some painters and workers to raid our camp.The young ones were strangled
and the eggs were broken,and they fixed a srong net to keep us out.
SA leader
Very very sorry.
KTm leader
We have no option but to come there.
SA Leader
What? To fly here.Here the situation is too risky.You know,that pahayan
has come back.Our number 1 enemy,Appu is also back.I thought he was dead.
KTM leader
Don't say 'no'.Our situation is so desperate,between the devil and the deep
sea.
SA leader
If so,come.We shall face all the odds together.
KTm leader
We start our flight from here on 1st March.We have a stop-over in Seychelles
for the night.We will be landing there on the second,in the evening.
SA leader
Ok. We will wait for you.
I showed the transcript to Appu,and we immediately started emergency
discussions.Our conversation went like this:
Kuri
Appu,we are in deep trouble.The pigeons from Kottayam,36 of them,are
coming here.
Appu
So what ? Don't worry,boss.I shall deal with them.
Kuri
How? The Kottayam pigeons are cunning,just like the people there.
Appu
Leave this matter to me,man.I shall catch them all,one per week.
Kuri
If the worse comes to the worst,I will buy an airgun.
Appu
Don't waste money on a gun while I am in charge.Buy me high-quality catfood
and fresh milk.I have another idea.I want to organize a women's squad,training
my wives,and keep them as reserves,in case..
Kuri
Good idea,but I can't feed all your wives.
Appu
You have to spend lavishly to get things done.
Kuri
Well, I shall think about it.
We shake hands.We clap hands,like beach volleyball players. We conjure up
images of the impending battles.
* * * *
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