DOWN WITH CHICKEN ( comedy)

DOWN WITH CHICKEN


This play is set at my birtplace,Paika,8kms from Pala.Our place
is famous for funny family names which are associated with animals and birds.eg Narithookkil,Pamputhookkil, Kaduvathookkil,
Pulikkunnel, pothummoottil,verukan,Anaviralil,elivalil,kozhikothickkal,kozhipoovananikkal,etc etc

The characters

Chandy ( 65 ) a retiree,who came from South Africa

Annamma ( 60) Chandy's wife

Jimmy (45) Their son,living in South Africa
Kozhimadom Kesavan Vaidyar : Ayurveda Vaidyan and astrologer
Saramma (40),a neighbour
Kozhikothikkal Kuriakose Chettan : 100 years old,but still very
fit. He is a veteran hunter.

Biju (25) : Leader of All Kerala Chicken Boycott Association
His suppoters,about 30 of them
Airport chief Security Officer
Other Security officers


SCENE 1
The sitting room in Chandy's home.It's 5 a.m.Chandy has just woken
up.He switches on the TV.He is restless,and shows signs of uneasiness.He touches his throat,displaying temptation to vomit.He
drinks some water.Resists vomitting,but gives in, crowing like a
cockerel,three times.
Chandy
Oh,my God,what's wrong with me!I don't know what this 'marimayam' is.What to do now.Did Annamma hear this?..What explanation shall
I give to her?....Maybe she is in deep sleep,and didn't hear this.

( enter Annamma,very disturbed)
Annamma
Did you hear the crowing of a cockerel?
Chandy
Oh,yes I did.
Annamma
What was that ?
Chandy
You see,Asianet has changed their Vartha Prafatham format.From
today,they start the hour with a cockerel crowing three times.
Really very nice.
Annamma
No,it wasn't nice.It was too loud,and I'm deprived of my sleep
so early?
Chandy
I wanted to see Asianet's new 'avatharanam'(introduction).I like it so much.
Annamma
I dislike it.Please reduce the volume,I beg you.
Chandy
Ok.I'll do that.
( exit Annamma.A few minutes later,Chandy displays the same symptoms and crows three times.This time,he rushes to the door,opens it,and crows to outside,to reduce the impact.)
Chandy
Oh,my god, what now.I can't hide this any more.I'm sure Annamma
has heard this,and my my lame excuses are bound to collapse
like a pack of cards.So it's better to confess..Here she comes.
( enter Annamma,very furious)
Annamma
What a nuisance,so early in the morning.It was not from the TV.I
suspect there's a cockerel hiding in this room.
Chandy
( hesitating) Annamma,to be frank,forgive me.I'm that cockerel.
Annamma
What the hell are you talking about ?
Chandy
Bear with me.I'm affected by a strange disease.When I woke up,I
had a strange sensaion in the throat.I thought I was going to
vomit,but it ended up in crowing.It's beyond my control.I am
helpless.
Annamma
Maybe it's a hallucination.
(Chandy develops the same symptoms,and crows three times,louder
than before)
This is crazy.You need treatment.
Chandy
Where?
Annamma
I know of one Kozhymadom Keshavan Vaidyan.He treats strange
illnesses.I shall ask for an appointment.( calls,and makes an
appoinment).
Chandy
Thanks,Annamma.
( curtain)


SCENE 2
Kozhimadom Kesavan Vaidyan's Vaidyasala.(clinic)Vaidyan is in his
seat.He is a slender man with silvery hair.Enter Chandy and Annamma.Usual greetings and intoduction.Vaidyan examines Chandy,
flashing a torch into his mouth.He asks some questions.Annamma
explains everything.

Vaidyan
Ok.Nothing to worry about.This is a rare disease that affects one
in a million.It's called 'kozhidosham'.
Chandy
What's the solution ?
Vaidyan
I shall prescribe some kashayam,lehyam,tablets etc.The main thing
is to change your diet.
Annamma
What changes ?
Vaidyan
Your diet should consist of 80% chicken.Chicken fry,chilly chicken,
chicken biriyani,eggs,noodles,chicken soup etc
Annamma
There's no problem.
Vaidyan
But make sure that he eats only nadan chicken
Chandy
One minute,please.It's time for me to crow.
Vaidyan
That's all right.But don't disturb my patients.
Chandy
Itha poyi,itha vannu .(I'll be back in a minute)
( Chandy goes outside,crows three times and comes back)
Chandy
Havoo.What a relief!
Vaidyan
There's another dimension to this disease.In your former birth,
you were a 'poovalan'(eve-teaser).The curses of your victims haunt
you.This will go away only when you complete atonement.
Annamma
What guarantee is that he isn't a poovalan in this birth!
Chandy
et tu Annamma.You too,Annamma
Annamma
How is the atonement to be done?
Vaidyan
As you are Catholics,you do kozhy nercha every Saturday,in the
form of offering a cockerel,of at least two kg,at Paika Church.
Chandy
We'll do that.But my main problem is how to face the public with
this frequent crowing.I'm ashamed to face the public.They will
laugh at me.
Vaidyan
Rather stay indoors and crow freely until you are completely
cured.( scratches his head with his pen,thinking deeply.His face
brightens).I have another idea.
Annamma
What idea?
vaidyan
You know,the Kerala Assembly is in session,for three months.Every
day,there's pandemonium in the house.My suggestion is that Chandy
go to TVM and attend assembly every day as a visitor.Your crowing
will be drowned in the howling and booing there.
Chandy
Thank you Vaidyan for the good idea.I'll request Manisaar for a
visitor's pass.
Vaidyan
Come and see me after one week.Don't worry.You'll be completely
cured.( gives medicines and gives instructions)
Chandy and Annamma together
Thanks very much Vaidyan.We are very relieved.

SCENE 3

Chandy's home,the next day.
Chandy
Did you hear,Annamma, everything is messed up.
Annamma
What's wrong?
Chandy
From today,there's a chicken boycott,throughout Kerala.
Annamma
What nonsense! Is Kerala a vellarikka patanam?( cucumber city)
Everyday,there's a bandh or hartal or a boycott.
Chandy
If there was a Nobel Prize for nonsense,Kerala would get it.
Annamma
Definitetly.The state of affairs in our state is so absurd that
people live in a state of absolute unpredictability.
Chandy
I think the channels and newspapers should start a feature called
'Today's samaranilavaram',similar to kampolanilavaram(market watch)
Annamma
Yea,it's highly necessary,so that people can adjust their daily
programmes.
Chandy
But what about my treatment? We haven't bought any chicken.The
treatment should start today.Otherwise,the illness will get
worse,and you also will get it,according to Vaidyan.If so,it would
be 'pidakozhy koovunna noottandu'.Something must be done,right now,to avert a bizarre situation in this house.
Annamma
I'm at a loss what to do.To make matters worse,it should be nadan
chicken.(local chicken) It's a rare thing.What shall we do ?
Chandy
I have an idea.You know Saramma's cockerel.He is a smart guy,
weighing at least 3 kgs.Sometimes,he strays into our backyard.
Annamma
What are you suggesting?
Chandy
I mean...Sometimes I have seen him near the kitchen.
Annamma
You mean,to catch him.
chandy
Yes.There's no other option.
Annamma
Is it not theft ?
Chandy
Sometimes the end justifies the means.
Annamma
But,is it going to click?
Chandy
I'll make a plan.
Annamma
Ok.Go ahead
( curtain)

SCENE 4
Chandy's kitchen.Chandy and Annamma scatter rice and wheat on the floor. They open the door and wait at the corner .Enter Jitumon,Saramma's cockerel. He is very smart and colourful.

Chandy
Ba Ba ba,ente ponnumonalle...chakkarakuttanalle..ba ba
Annamma
Be quiet
( the cockerel struts slowly,very alert,suspicious. )
Chandy
Va mone,what do you like? Nirapara,Double Horse,...sorry da,you know kerala,it's a land of fakes..ba ba..sometimes we have the wrong rice in the right sack...if you don't like BPL rice,I shall throw some APL rice...Basmati..ba ba
Annamma
Hush, he will go away
( the cockerel moves to the centre,attracted by basmati rice.In a flash, Annamma closes the door,and Chandy catches the cockerel.)
Chandy
Down with chicken.But today you will go down my throat.Annamma,make some hot water.
Annamma
Make sure that we don't land in hot water.
Chandy
There's no time to waste.The treatment should start soon.
Annamma
That Saramma is very shrewd.She could easily find..
Chandy
Yea,leave no feather uncollected.
( curtain)
SCENE 5 The next day
Chandy's home.Enter Saramma,the neighbour,crying)
Chandy
What happened,Saramma,why are you crying?
saramma
somebody stole my Jithumon.
Annamma
Are you sure? how do you know ?
Saramma
I haven't seen him since yesterday.
Chandy
I'm very sorry.
Saramma
I'm sure thieves have taken advatage of the chicken boycott.
Chandy
Yea,it's most likely.
Saramma
Let that thief be infected with chickenpox,chicken guniya or at least bird flu...
Annamma
Don't curse like that.After all,it's a cockerel..
Saramma
He was so dear to me.Let hellfire fall on the head of the thief..
Chandy
(aside) I've got enough.Vayaru niranju.(my stomach is full)
Saramma
It was a nercha kozhy for Manarkattu pally.I'm sure,the moment the thief eats my cockerel,he would transform into a cockerel and start crowing.
Chandy
( aside) I started crowing even before.Imagine what follows after the curses!
Annamma
Please excercise patience.Maybe Jitu will come back.
Saramma
No.I have no hope.He is already in somebody's stomach.
Chandy
(aside) Thank God,she has no electronic device to scan my stomach!
Annamma
Go in peace,Saramma.We will pray for the return of Jithumon.
Saramma
How can I have peace when my Jithumon is already in pieces.
(curtain)

SCENE 6

City Centre,Pala.About 30 young people,carry an effigy of a chicken,shouting slogans.One is carrying a can of petrol.
Leader
Down with chicken.
activists
Down with chicken.
Leader
Mutton biriyani Zindabad.
activists
Mutton biriyani zindabad.
Leader
Chicken biriyani moordabad.
Activists
Chicken biriyani moordabad
( they go on shouting slogans.Then the effigy is set alight,blowing petrol from the mouth.The fire falls on some activists.There is absolute chaos,people running helter skelter,screaming.Police and ambulance sirens wailing.An activist runs away ,fully naked,abandoning his clothes)
( curtain)

SCENE 7
The gate of Kozhikothickal house,Paika.The gate is made of cast iron.On both sides of the gate there is a statue of a colourful cockerel,in the crowing position.
( Enter the anti-chicken activists of the previous scene,their number reduced due to burns,shouting slogans as before.Kuriakose Chettan comes ,hearing the noise)
K.Chettan
What's this commotion? What's going on ?
( the activists continue shouting slogans,louder than before)
K.Chettan
Why do you disturb the peace in front of my gate?
Leader
We are members of the youth wing of the All Kerala Chicken Boycott Association.
K.Chettan
Of what relevance is it to me? "Pattikku meesha kiluthal ambittanenthu karyam?" ( If a dog developed a beard,how does it concern the barber?
Leader
you are part of the problem.
K.Chettan
How? Tell me straight.
Leader
You are a supporter of chicken.
K.Chettan
On what grounds ?
Leader
Not on the grounds,on the gate
K.Chettan
Tell me,without beating about the bush.
Leader
Your family name is Kozhikothickal.
k.Chettan
Can't you see.It's clearly written,in golden letters.In English
and Malayalam.Can't you read,or are you illiterate?
Leader
To put the matter in a nutshell,you delete 'kozhy'from your family name,and remove those statues of cockerels.
K.Chettan
You are nuts.What the hell are you talking about? Itha Pukilu.
this is crazy.
Leader
We are in a hurry.We give you 30 minutes to paint off the "kozhy" and remove the statues.
K.chettan
Is this an order?
leader
yes.From AKCBA.
K.Chettan
We Paikans seldom take orders,we usually give them.
Leader
Comply,or we will do it by force.And we will pour kari oil
on you.
K.Chettan
Enkil nee vivaram ariyum.If so,you'll face the consequences.
Leader
Are you defying?
k.chettan
Whom? We have been in this part of the country since the days of
Saint thomas.The family name is sacrosanct,not something to be erased upon the orders of an idiot like you.
Leader
It's better for you to comply.Or else...
K.Chettan
No ways.Come forward,if anyone of you dare,nerku ner ie face to face, oru kai nokkam...
Leader
Time is passing,don't test our patience.
K.Chettan
Ok.Let me bring the necessary equipment to solve this problem.
(exit Kuriakose Chettan.After a few minutes,he is back,holding his hunting rifle.He aims the rifle at the crowd.They
are taken aback by the sudden turn of events.K.Chettan fires a
shot into the air.The activists scatter in different directions,
in total panic.)

K.Chettan

If there's anyone amongst you,born of a single father,come
forward.You bastards who don't even know how to set fire to an
effigy!Pour the kari (black) oil on the faces of your parents
who brought you up as scoundrels and parasites!You run away like
stray dogs,with tails coiled between the legs!phoo.( spits)
Run like chickens.Cowards.

( curtain )

SCENE 8

Chandy's home.Annamma on the phone,in conversation with
Jimmy in South Africa.

Annamma
We have purchased tickets to fly there.
Jimmy
What's wrong,Mummy?
Annamma
eda,life here is very chaotic.Every day,there's some bandh or
boycott.Always there's some crisis..This is a state where there's
a state of war,without any war being declared.There are no bombs
falling here,but only the foul grenades fired from the mouths of
wide-mouthed politicians...
Jimmy
I told you many times to come and live here peacefully.
Annamma
We didn't want to disturb you.But now we are between the devil
and the deep sea.The chicken boycott is in its third week.You
know,Pappa is suffering from a rare disease called 'kozhidosham'.
He can't survive without chicken.
Jimmy
Don't worry.just come and have top quality chicken,beef,anything.
Just fly without any delay.Send me the flight details.
Annamma
Thanks,son.
( curtain)

Scene 9

Kochi international Airport.Chandy and Annamma at the Security
Check.Chandy's mouth is sealed with cellotape.The Chief Security
Officer notices this and stops Chandy.The officer wants the cello
tape to be removed.Annamma pleads with the officer,showing some
documents.The officer is unmoved.

Officer

You can't make this journey unless the cello tape is removed.

Annamma
Sir,he is suffering from a rare disease called 'kozhydosham',which
means he crows occasionally,involuntarily.
Officer
Kozhydosham or Tharavudosham,I have to do my duty.
( Chandy uses sign language to explain his condition,but the
officer is not impressed)
What if a small bomb is concealed in the mouth.I'm responsible
for the safety of all passengers.
( Announcement:" Mr and Mrs Chandy,this is final call for boarding.The gate is about to close")
Annamma
If you are not convinced,let me remove the cellotape.
( she removes the cellotape,and Chandy crows,louder than ever
before.)
Officer
Hey,please stop.It's enough.I am convinced.
( the officer puts the cello tape on Chandy's mouth,very firmly)
I'm very sorry for the inconvenience.
( he takes their hanbags and rushes them to the gate)
Safe jouney.Bye

Annamma

Thanks.

THE END





















































































































DOWN WITH CHICKEN (comedy)


This play is set at Paika,my native place,which is famous for family names associated with animals and birds.eg Narithookkil,
Pamputhookkil,kaduvathookkil,Pulikkunnel,Puliyallil,Kozhikothikkal
Kozhipoovananikkal,elivalil etc.

The charcters

Chandy (65) a retired teacher
Annamma (60) his wife
Jimmy ( 45) their son,living in South Africa
Kozhimadam Kesavan Vaidyan (60) a Vaidyan and astrologer