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THE SEAT ALLOCATION OF UDF REBELS (SATIRE)

A huge media conference in Thiruvananthapuram.The CM (Chief Magician)  Oommen Chandy is announcing the final list of candidates for the 2016 elections. He reads the list. The media persons rise to disperse. The CM indicates that they remain seated.

                 CM

Friends, I am not done. You know, the UDF is committed to inclusivity. We won't let anybody down. There were hundreds of aspirants for seats, but we have only 140 seats to contest. We have tried by all means to accommodate all shades of interests and opinions in reaching a consensus about the allocation of seats. We have found an amicable solution to accommodate all those who are not in the list. I am very delighted and honoured to announce the allocation for all the rebels in the UDF, as follows :

1.  Congress.    480       Mars

2.   Muslim League 348   Saturn

3.  Kerala Congress (M)  656 Mercury

4.    JDU     292.       Uranus

5.    RSP.  145      Venus

6.    Others. 589    Neptune


We have done everything humanly possible to allocate seats to our rebels in a fair, transparent, equitable, fair and democratic way.If anyone is found left out, we will definitely find space for them within the SOLAR system,on 🌘 moons of the respective planets. Thanks for your patience. 

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