In Kerala, if a woman's gold chain ( or duplicate, by mistake) is snatched by a thief,
either on foot or on a bike, that news item is flashed on the myriad TV channels in
big red font, as "BREAKING NEWS ", and all the TV crews rush to the spot, vying
to report the event as interestingly as possible for the millions of Malayalees at home
and abroad. Sometimes, the hapless thief is caught with a duplicate gold chain, and
subjected to a round of mob justice, before being handed over to the police.Then there
would be the interviews with the victim, making her an instant celebrity.
Not so in South Africa.The snatching of a wallet, cell phone or cash, in broad daylight
is not worth mentioning, even to your closest friends, because the usual response would
be," So what ?" In this country, where an average of 50 murders take place daily,snatch-
-ing a wallet or cell phone, or a burglary at your house doesn't qualify for media
attention,because such incidents are so common. To qualify, the incident needs to be,
at least, a massacre.In sharp contrast, in Kerala, if a minister's speeding car knocks down
a stray dog, it would be "BREAKING NEWS".The incident would trigger a saga of
live reporting, panel discussions, debates, phone-ins,sms,expert opinions,opinion polls,press
conferences etc etc.In Malayalam,we say," A coconut fell on the head of a dog that was
craving to moan".
I used to boast to my friends,"Delareyville is a very safe place.No robberies,break-ins,
muggings,you name it.Even if you forgot to lock your house and your gate, no problem.
When you return after work, you find your house intact.No trespassing,nothing."
That myth of absolute security burst like a bubble on 9th May 2012.We are only
two people-myself and my wife Leelamma-who live in our big house.The area where
we live is very quiet, with very few people around.We depart to our school, 35 kms
away, at 7 am and return at about 4 pm. The domestic worker works only on Saturdays.
There is a gardener who works for 2 days per week.In May, he was absent due to
illness. We didn't keep a dog or install an alarm system, because both of them make loud
noise when we are fast asleep. Why spend money to deprive ourselves of sleep?
On 9th may, when we returned from school around 3.45 PM, there was nothing unusual
at the front door.But as we moved into the rooms, we were taken aback by the mess
all around.OUR HOUSE HAD BEEN BURGLED! All the cupboards, drawers and shelves
had vomitted their contents.The beds and matresses were overturned. Things were litter-
-ed all around. The burglars had left a trail of mix-ups.
The burglars had cut the grill of a window of the master bedroom,and bent it inwards,
making a gap to enter the room. They seemed to have spent at least 7 hours in the
house, searching every nook and corner of our three bed rooms.The other three rooms were
untouched,maybe because time ran out. They were looking for gold, because Indians are
known for stockpiling gold.
The initial shock of the burglary died down, as we realised that our passports and
vital documents were safe.Perhaps the thieves had an intution about the difficulties
of getting things done at the Indian High Commission, and felt sympathy for us.
Anyway,Leelamma's favorite gold necklace and some other gold items were taken.
She had left them carelessly in a cupboard, because she was too busy in the evenings
watching Malayalam Tv channels.The other items taken were: a laptop, a camera,some
watches, perfumes, a GPS, a handicam,some Indian Rupees and dollar notes.
From the clues left by the burglars,and from their modus operandi , I conjured up
their profiles,assessing their skills, tactics ,attitudes and their motivation.They were
highly skilled professional burglars,with long experinece, very diligent, with meticulous
precision in doing things. For instance, they had cut the grill without breaking the
window glasses. Very considerate to the house-owner indeed. They were careful not
to damage anything unnecessarily. They were self-disciplined and had some code of
conduct.They could have drunk the whisky that was left in a bottle, or eaten the food
in the fridge,but they didn't.They were hard workers,as evidenced by the painstaking
effort they had taken to examine every object in the three rooms.
I could not resist laughing, even at that stressful hour, noticing thousands of 1c, 5c and
10 c coins scattered all over. Those coins had been accummulated over a period of 24
years,in a bag,and weighed at least 4 kgs.We had preserved them with the hope of con-
-verting them into paper currency at the bank, on a convenient day,which never came.
The burglars seemed to have suspected that gold coins had been hidden among those
cheap coins.
Looking at the mess in the rooms,I was surprised to see the enormity of the
possessions we had, most of them outdated,unwanted items that had been hybernat-
ing in the old suitcases in the upper cupboards.Some suitcases contained the the dresses
of our two daughters when they were small children.We had kept the dresses to donate
to some orphanage or charity, but had shelved the suitcases and our good intentions,
due to other pressing matters.
Leelamma had left her favourite gold neckless carelessly in a cupboard,and the easy
discovery of it served as a catalyst for the burglars to launch a treasure hunt for
the jackpot, hidden somewhere in the house.They must have thought, " If the lady
of the house can leave a gold neckless so casually, she must be very rich,and there
must be a jackpot hidden in the house." So they launched the hunt for the jackpot that
didn't exist.The search was so thorough and meticulous that ,by the time they finished
the 3rd bedroom, the time was over.
In the 1990s,we lived in a small house at Atamelang,a small township.We were dis-
-advantaged by lack of space in the house, and prayed for a big house,in Delarey-
-ville. Our prayers were answered in 2004 .Now our predicament is like that of an odd,
previously childless couple, who prayed for a child,a son,and was richly rewarded with
quadruplets-four girls.
It's only when we shift house or when our houses are ransacked by thieves during
our absence,that we realise the quantity and variety of things that we had accumu-
-lated over the years, and blame ourselves for money ill-spent. Some ladies buy things
at first sight, and store them somewhere, to be forgotten sooner or later ,just like
our first love in real life.Often, the cost of transporting our belongings are costlier than
the things themselves.
It was due to the size of the house and quantity of the contents that the burglars
abandoned their search for the jackpot half-way.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE GANGLEADER AND THE BURGLARS
The gangleader and the burglars,B1 and B2
Leader: How was your mission "operation Goldmine" guys ?
B1 : It was a resounding success.
B2 : A clean sweep.
Leader: What have you got here. Let me see.
( B1 and B2 put two bags on the table and proudly and carefully
open them )
B 1: We got a lot of real stuff. Gold necklaces, bangle sets, ear rings ....
( The leader's facial expression changes to anger as he examines the items )
Leader : You idiots.These are not gold! These are duplicate bangles ! duplicate
chains.( he breaks them and throws them at B1 and B2.)...This necklace
is the only item that seems to be gold. I am not sure.I must have it
tested. these ear-rings are not gold.
B2 : We didn't realise that.
Leader : All that glitters is not gold. What other things have you got ?
B1 : A lot of things. A laptop, a handicam, a GPS, watches, spectacles...
Leader : ( examining the things one by one ) All these things are outdated. This
laptop is faulty. This camera, it's of 2005. A cellphone can do the functions
of this camera. These spectacles ! ( he wears a pair ) I can't see you.Seems
it's snowing here. ( he removes them and breaks them,and throws the pieces
at B1 and B2.) These are the bifocal spectacles worn by old people.To make
matters worse, you have brought the wrong adaptors for all these items.
B2 : We are very sorry. That house contains a lot of old things. So it was very
difficult to identify the correct adaptors.
B1 : We didn't search the whole house. There's still a chance to find a jackpot
there.
Leader : You will get nothing there. You wasted one day. You burgled the wrong
house.Your mission was " Operation Cowdung", not Operation Goldmine.
B1: Boss, can we have our wages for today?
Leader : How much ?
B1 : R 700 for 7 hours' labour. R 300 for transport and catering.Total R 2000 for
both of us.
Leader : R 2000 for your shabby work! You are fired!
* * * *
A LETTER FROM THE HOUSEOWNER TO THE BURGLARS
Gentlemen
How are you guys? What's the latest news from Burglarspoort ? I hope your activities
are going very well. I hope you are having a field day.
Guys, I'm writing this letter to thank you for your visit on 9th May 2012. Since your
visit, my "Shukhradasa ( a period of good fotune ) started.Your visit was a turning
point in my life, a blessing in disguise. Thanks to your efforts, I have replaced my old
and outdated things. Special mention is needed for my new laptop. The old one had
serious flaws,like the date not corresponding.The most positive thing is that, with my new
laptop, I joined Facebook, and have a wonderful time with new friends.Facebook inspired
me to become a blogger.Both are very very enjoyable. Pals,you must definitely join
Facebook and share your expertise globally. I want to be close friends with you
on Facebook.
The second purpose of this letter is to invite you to my house. One difference:come when
we are at home,and enter through the front door.Don't hurt yourselves by jumping over
the wall.Come with the whole family, and have a wonderful day.Let us have a brai.You
can have the drink of your choice; whisky,brandy,beer-anything,you name it.Last time,you
didn't drink the whisky,maybe due to etiquette,or due to your code of conduct.( Don't drink
while on duty )
I know you have problems with the adaptors. Don't worry. I have identified the correct
adaptors,and kept them in a safe place. Come and take them.It's free.Terms and conditions
do not apply.
Once again,thanking you in anticipation,
Kurian
either on foot or on a bike, that news item is flashed on the myriad TV channels in
big red font, as "BREAKING NEWS ", and all the TV crews rush to the spot, vying
to report the event as interestingly as possible for the millions of Malayalees at home
and abroad. Sometimes, the hapless thief is caught with a duplicate gold chain, and
subjected to a round of mob justice, before being handed over to the police.Then there
would be the interviews with the victim, making her an instant celebrity.
Not so in South Africa.The snatching of a wallet, cell phone or cash, in broad daylight
is not worth mentioning, even to your closest friends, because the usual response would
be," So what ?" In this country, where an average of 50 murders take place daily,snatch-
-ing a wallet or cell phone, or a burglary at your house doesn't qualify for media
attention,because such incidents are so common. To qualify, the incident needs to be,
at least, a massacre.In sharp contrast, in Kerala, if a minister's speeding car knocks down
a stray dog, it would be "BREAKING NEWS".The incident would trigger a saga of
live reporting, panel discussions, debates, phone-ins,sms,expert opinions,opinion polls,press
conferences etc etc.In Malayalam,we say," A coconut fell on the head of a dog that was
craving to moan".
I used to boast to my friends,"Delareyville is a very safe place.No robberies,break-ins,
muggings,you name it.Even if you forgot to lock your house and your gate, no problem.
When you return after work, you find your house intact.No trespassing,nothing."
That myth of absolute security burst like a bubble on 9th May 2012.We are only
two people-myself and my wife Leelamma-who live in our big house.The area where
we live is very quiet, with very few people around.We depart to our school, 35 kms
away, at 7 am and return at about 4 pm. The domestic worker works only on Saturdays.
There is a gardener who works for 2 days per week.In May, he was absent due to
illness. We didn't keep a dog or install an alarm system, because both of them make loud
noise when we are fast asleep. Why spend money to deprive ourselves of sleep?
On 9th may, when we returned from school around 3.45 PM, there was nothing unusual
at the front door.But as we moved into the rooms, we were taken aback by the mess
all around.OUR HOUSE HAD BEEN BURGLED! All the cupboards, drawers and shelves
had vomitted their contents.The beds and matresses were overturned. Things were litter-
-ed all around. The burglars had left a trail of mix-ups.
The burglars had cut the grill of a window of the master bedroom,and bent it inwards,
making a gap to enter the room. They seemed to have spent at least 7 hours in the
house, searching every nook and corner of our three bed rooms.The other three rooms were
untouched,maybe because time ran out. They were looking for gold, because Indians are
known for stockpiling gold.
The initial shock of the burglary died down, as we realised that our passports and
vital documents were safe.Perhaps the thieves had an intution about the difficulties
of getting things done at the Indian High Commission, and felt sympathy for us.
Anyway,Leelamma's favorite gold necklace and some other gold items were taken.
She had left them carelessly in a cupboard, because she was too busy in the evenings
watching Malayalam Tv channels.The other items taken were: a laptop, a camera,some
watches, perfumes, a GPS, a handicam,some Indian Rupees and dollar notes.
From the clues left by the burglars,and from their modus operandi , I conjured up
their profiles,assessing their skills, tactics ,attitudes and their motivation.They were
highly skilled professional burglars,with long experinece, very diligent, with meticulous
precision in doing things. For instance, they had cut the grill without breaking the
window glasses. Very considerate to the house-owner indeed. They were careful not
to damage anything unnecessarily. They were self-disciplined and had some code of
conduct.They could have drunk the whisky that was left in a bottle, or eaten the food
in the fridge,but they didn't.They were hard workers,as evidenced by the painstaking
effort they had taken to examine every object in the three rooms.
I could not resist laughing, even at that stressful hour, noticing thousands of 1c, 5c and
10 c coins scattered all over. Those coins had been accummulated over a period of 24
years,in a bag,and weighed at least 4 kgs.We had preserved them with the hope of con-
-verting them into paper currency at the bank, on a convenient day,which never came.
The burglars seemed to have suspected that gold coins had been hidden among those
cheap coins.
Looking at the mess in the rooms,I was surprised to see the enormity of the
possessions we had, most of them outdated,unwanted items that had been hybernat-
ing in the old suitcases in the upper cupboards.Some suitcases contained the the dresses
of our two daughters when they were small children.We had kept the dresses to donate
to some orphanage or charity, but had shelved the suitcases and our good intentions,
due to other pressing matters.
Leelamma had left her favourite gold neckless carelessly in a cupboard,and the easy
discovery of it served as a catalyst for the burglars to launch a treasure hunt for
the jackpot, hidden somewhere in the house.They must have thought, " If the lady
of the house can leave a gold neckless so casually, she must be very rich,and there
must be a jackpot hidden in the house." So they launched the hunt for the jackpot that
didn't exist.The search was so thorough and meticulous that ,by the time they finished
the 3rd bedroom, the time was over.
In the 1990s,we lived in a small house at Atamelang,a small township.We were dis-
-advantaged by lack of space in the house, and prayed for a big house,in Delarey-
-ville. Our prayers were answered in 2004 .Now our predicament is like that of an odd,
previously childless couple, who prayed for a child,a son,and was richly rewarded with
quadruplets-four girls.
It's only when we shift house or when our houses are ransacked by thieves during
our absence,that we realise the quantity and variety of things that we had accumu-
-lated over the years, and blame ourselves for money ill-spent. Some ladies buy things
at first sight, and store them somewhere, to be forgotten sooner or later ,just like
our first love in real life.Often, the cost of transporting our belongings are costlier than
the things themselves.
It was due to the size of the house and quantity of the contents that the burglars
abandoned their search for the jackpot half-way.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE GANGLEADER AND THE BURGLARS
The gangleader and the burglars,B1 and B2
Leader: How was your mission "operation Goldmine" guys ?
B1 : It was a resounding success.
B2 : A clean sweep.
Leader: What have you got here. Let me see.
( B1 and B2 put two bags on the table and proudly and carefully
open them )
B 1: We got a lot of real stuff. Gold necklaces, bangle sets, ear rings ....
( The leader's facial expression changes to anger as he examines the items )
Leader : You idiots.These are not gold! These are duplicate bangles ! duplicate
chains.( he breaks them and throws them at B1 and B2.)...This necklace
is the only item that seems to be gold. I am not sure.I must have it
tested. these ear-rings are not gold.
B2 : We didn't realise that.
Leader : All that glitters is not gold. What other things have you got ?
B1 : A lot of things. A laptop, a handicam, a GPS, watches, spectacles...
Leader : ( examining the things one by one ) All these things are outdated. This
laptop is faulty. This camera, it's of 2005. A cellphone can do the functions
of this camera. These spectacles ! ( he wears a pair ) I can't see you.Seems
it's snowing here. ( he removes them and breaks them,and throws the pieces
at B1 and B2.) These are the bifocal spectacles worn by old people.To make
matters worse, you have brought the wrong adaptors for all these items.
B2 : We are very sorry. That house contains a lot of old things. So it was very
difficult to identify the correct adaptors.
B1 : We didn't search the whole house. There's still a chance to find a jackpot
there.
Leader : You will get nothing there. You wasted one day. You burgled the wrong
house.Your mission was " Operation Cowdung", not Operation Goldmine.
B1: Boss, can we have our wages for today?
Leader : How much ?
B1 : R 700 for 7 hours' labour. R 300 for transport and catering.Total R 2000 for
both of us.
Leader : R 2000 for your shabby work! You are fired!
* * * *
A LETTER FROM THE HOUSEOWNER TO THE BURGLARS
Gentlemen
How are you guys? What's the latest news from Burglarspoort ? I hope your activities
are going very well. I hope you are having a field day.
Guys, I'm writing this letter to thank you for your visit on 9th May 2012. Since your
visit, my "Shukhradasa ( a period of good fotune ) started.Your visit was a turning
point in my life, a blessing in disguise. Thanks to your efforts, I have replaced my old
and outdated things. Special mention is needed for my new laptop. The old one had
serious flaws,like the date not corresponding.The most positive thing is that, with my new
laptop, I joined Facebook, and have a wonderful time with new friends.Facebook inspired
me to become a blogger.Both are very very enjoyable. Pals,you must definitely join
Facebook and share your expertise globally. I want to be close friends with you
on Facebook.
The second purpose of this letter is to invite you to my house. One difference:come when
we are at home,and enter through the front door.Don't hurt yourselves by jumping over
the wall.Come with the whole family, and have a wonderful day.Let us have a brai.You
can have the drink of your choice; whisky,brandy,beer-anything,you name it.Last time,you
didn't drink the whisky,maybe due to etiquette,or due to your code of conduct.( Don't drink
while on duty )
I know you have problems with the adaptors. Don't worry. I have identified the correct
adaptors,and kept them in a safe place. Come and take them.It's free.Terms and conditions
do not apply.
Once again,thanking you in anticipation,
Kurian
A Big Bravo !!! Nothing else to say
ReplyDeleteLike to specifically mention the English version of our great Malayalam proverb
മോങ്ങാനിരുന്ന നായയുടെ തലയില് തേങ്ങ വീണ പോലെ
A coconut fell on the head of a dog that was
craving to moan