MANI SAR'S DUPE ( COMEDY )
RE-PUBLICATION TO CELEBRATE THE 2016 ELECTIONS
( This play is based on the recent ,unsuccessful campaign by
the LDF to unseat Mr KM Mani, Finance Minister of Kerala )
The characters
1. Shaji A mimicry artist
2 Mini Shaji's wife
3 Mohan PRO of Gutternet News Channel
4 Babu A leader of Revolutionary Democratic Party ( RDP)
5 A liquor tycoon
6 Gutternet newsreader
SCENE 1
( Shaji's modest house. Mini gives him a shopping list. Shaji
reads it with increasing uneasiness. He knits his eyebrows)
Shaji
We have to cut the chicken.
Mini
Of course. We should have it cut in large pieces ideal for chicken
biriyani. It's ages since I ate chicken biriyani.
Shaji
I didn't mean that. I mean, chicken should be cut from the list, or
plainly, excluded.
Mini
Why ?
Shaji
Are you living on Mars ? Aren't you aware that Kerala is plagued
by Chicken fever or Pakshippani, and the people are advised not
to eat it ?
Mini
If that's the case, replace chicken with beef or pork.
Shaji
They are even worse. There are reports of cow fever and pig fever.
Let's avoid all kinds of meat until the crisis is over, and become pure
vegetarians.
Mini
My God, is there anything in Kerala that's not associated with fever ?
Rat fever, dog fever, donkey fever, election fever, examination fever,..
Shaji
You left out the most serious fever of all, human fever.
Mini
What's that ?
Shaji
I pity your poor GK. Human fever is that fever which affects a person
when he/she is unable to make ends meet, ie when you are in deep debt.
Mini
Oh, now I get it. Shaji, if you can't afford chicken or beef, say it
frankly. Why beat about the bush ?
Shaji
Sorry dear. I am a human- fever sufferer. The symptoms thereof are
sweating, shivering, high BP, nightmares, lack of sleep etc etc, when
I behold overdue bills, bounced cheques, reminders, eviction notices,
disconnection of electricity , so on and so forth. I'm a fugitive on the
run from Blade Vasu, the money lender, whom I owe Rs 3.5 lakhs.
Mini
So you want us to be poor vegetarians, not pure vegetarians.How
many times have I told you that you wouldn't prosper relying
on mimicry. You must find a reliable job to survive in these hard times.
Don't put all your eggs in the same basket. The mimicry field is
saturated with hordes of mimicry artists.
Shaji
Don't underestimate me. Fortune will favour me one day. Every
dog has his day.
Mini
You don't impress much because you do Mani Sar's role. You know,
the market is dull for Mani Sar. There's high demand for the roles
of VS and Oommen Chandy.
Shaji
That's not my fault. My body and features fit the role of Mani Sar.
Somebody is coming. If it's Blade Vasu, tell him I am on tour.( exit)
( enter Mohan and Babu )
Mohan
I'm Mohan, PRO of Gutternet News Channel. This is my friend,
Babu, a leader of RDP. Where's Shaji ?
Mini
I shall call him ( exit, and come back with Shaji )
( Shaji and the visitors introduce to each other)
Shaji
Be seated, please.
Mohan
We shall go straight into the matter because it's urgent. We are on a
joint venture to produce a CD, to highlight the bribery charges
levelled against Mani Sar, to add fuel to the fire.
Shaji
Isn't it a risky venture ?
Babu
What risk ? We have identified you as the best mimicry artist to
do the role of Mani Sar. You just follow our script, parrot-like.
Shaji
I fear that this 'bar kozha ( bribery ) issue ' could put me behind the
bars. Well..why do you want to tarnish the image of Mani Sar ?
Babu
That's our objective. We know fully that it's impossible to unseat him.
But ,at least we can do the mudslinging. His 50th anniversary of
assembly membership should go to the dogs.
Mohan
It's a sort of psychological warfare. Suppose 10 lakh people
watch our programme about 'the bar kozha'. 4 lakh people won't
believe it. 2 lakh viewers would remain neutral. The other 4 lakh
viewers would believe our story, and would hate Mani Sar. That's
a big gain.
Shaji
But how can we do such a thing ?
Mohan
Time is passing. You must decide now. Or else, there are hundreds of artists dreaming about such a chance.
Babu
If you are willing, we offer you Rs 5 lakhs. Make hay while the sun
shines.
Shaji
Let me discuss the matter with my wife.
( Shaji and Mini move to a corner, and whisper . Shaji comes forward )
Shaji
I agree.
Mohan
That's good. Take this 2 lakhs as advance. The balance will be paid
upon release of the CD. Please come immediately to our studios
to start the rehearsal.
Shaji
Ok sir.
( exit Mohan and Babu )
Shaji
Are we going to land in trouble ?
Mini
Not at all. Nowadays, even the street dogs shun CDs.
Shaji
Then it's double Ok.
( He counts the money excitedly. He lifts Mini, swings her around,
and kisses her.)
Mini
What are you doing? People might see us.
Shaji
Who cares ? This is the age of public kissing.
Mini
Even so...
Shaji
You can rewrite the shopping list, including whatever you like.
Include some Karimeen and prawns.
Mini
Ok, da
( Curtain )
SCENE 2
It's news time on Gutternet TV. Music and visuals. BREAKING
NEWS appears on the screen. The newsreader appears.
Newsreader
We are in possession of a CD containing visuals of Mani Sar
accepting kozha ( bribe ) from a liquor tycoon. We are going to
show you the shocking visuals as ' Exclusive'.
(Scene changes. A mansion. The bribery room in the mansion.
There are many signboards on the wall, eg PAY YOUR BRIBES
HERE, ' NO REFUNDS', 'NO RECEIPTS' etc Enter Shaji, dressed
as Mani Sar. He sits behind a large table.
Enter a liquor tycoon carrying a heavy bag. )
Mani Sar
Have you brought the Rs two crores as agreed upon ?
Liquor tycoon
( very nervous ) Very sorry, sir, I could only raise Rs one crore.
Mani sar
( very annoyed) That you can go and announce in the streets
of Kozha. If you want the bar licence, the full two crores must
be paid. That's final.
Tycoon
I apologise, sir. The times are very hard. I will definitely bring
the balance next week.
Mani sar
Let me make it clear. We Palans ( people of Pala) are very strict
in money matters. We don't like 'if's and 'buts'. When kozha money
is agreed upon, it's sacrosanct. No apologies, no exemptions, no
discounts...no loopholes.. do you hear?
Tycoon
Have mercy on this poor tycoon..
Mani Sar
Then give the damn, f...ing one crore.
( The tycoon puts the bag on the table. He takes out bundles of
100-Rupee notes)
Mani Sar
What nonsense is this ? Don't you know that kozha money should
be paid in 1000 Rupee notes ?
Tycoon
Very sorry sir. The bank didn't have enough 1000 Rupee notes.
You don't need to count all these. These are bundles straight
from the bank.
Mani Sar
I told you, we Palans are very strict with money. If my wife gives
me some money, I count it. I should be extra careful when I accept
money from crooks like you .
Tycoon
I shall help you to count.
Mani Sar
But I can't count on you. You don't worry. ( takes out a
counting machine and puts it on the table). Specially imported
from Switzerland. Counts 1 crore rupees in 5 minutes. Identifies
fake notes.
( He puts the notes in the machine. Red lights flash and beep sound is heard at random . )
Mani Sar
It's done . Total amount : 9945600. You may take the fake notes
for petty
expenses. ( Gives the fake notes to him )
Tycoon
Thanks so much, sir.
Mani Sar
Don't forget to bring the balance. Otherwise you will be barred from
running any bars, do you hear?
Tycoon
Ok Sir. I won't forget.
( Curtain )
RE-PUBLICATION TO CELEBRATE THE 2016 ELECTIONS
( This play is based on the recent ,unsuccessful campaign by
the LDF to unseat Mr KM Mani, Finance Minister of Kerala )
The characters
1. Shaji A mimicry artist
2 Mini Shaji's wife
3 Mohan PRO of Gutternet News Channel
4 Babu A leader of Revolutionary Democratic Party ( RDP)
5 A liquor tycoon
6 Gutternet newsreader
SCENE 1
( Shaji's modest house. Mini gives him a shopping list. Shaji
reads it with increasing uneasiness. He knits his eyebrows)
Shaji
We have to cut the chicken.
Mini
Of course. We should have it cut in large pieces ideal for chicken
biriyani. It's ages since I ate chicken biriyani.
Shaji
I didn't mean that. I mean, chicken should be cut from the list, or
plainly, excluded.
Mini
Why ?
Shaji
Are you living on Mars ? Aren't you aware that Kerala is plagued
by Chicken fever or Pakshippani, and the people are advised not
to eat it ?
Mini
If that's the case, replace chicken with beef or pork.
Shaji
They are even worse. There are reports of cow fever and pig fever.
Let's avoid all kinds of meat until the crisis is over, and become pure
vegetarians.
Mini
My God, is there anything in Kerala that's not associated with fever ?
Rat fever, dog fever, donkey fever, election fever, examination fever,..
Shaji
You left out the most serious fever of all, human fever.
Mini
What's that ?
Shaji
I pity your poor GK. Human fever is that fever which affects a person
when he/she is unable to make ends meet, ie when you are in deep debt.
Mini
Oh, now I get it. Shaji, if you can't afford chicken or beef, say it
frankly. Why beat about the bush ?
Shaji
Sorry dear. I am a human- fever sufferer. The symptoms thereof are
sweating, shivering, high BP, nightmares, lack of sleep etc etc, when
I behold overdue bills, bounced cheques, reminders, eviction notices,
disconnection of electricity , so on and so forth. I'm a fugitive on the
run from Blade Vasu, the money lender, whom I owe Rs 3.5 lakhs.
Mini
So you want us to be poor vegetarians, not pure vegetarians.How
many times have I told you that you wouldn't prosper relying
on mimicry. You must find a reliable job to survive in these hard times.
Don't put all your eggs in the same basket. The mimicry field is
saturated with hordes of mimicry artists.
Shaji
Don't underestimate me. Fortune will favour me one day. Every
dog has his day.
Mini
You don't impress much because you do Mani Sar's role. You know,
the market is dull for Mani Sar. There's high demand for the roles
of VS and Oommen Chandy.
Shaji
That's not my fault. My body and features fit the role of Mani Sar.
Somebody is coming. If it's Blade Vasu, tell him I am on tour.( exit)
( enter Mohan and Babu )
Mohan
I'm Mohan, PRO of Gutternet News Channel. This is my friend,
Babu, a leader of RDP. Where's Shaji ?
Mini
I shall call him ( exit, and come back with Shaji )
( Shaji and the visitors introduce to each other)
Shaji
Be seated, please.
Mohan
We shall go straight into the matter because it's urgent. We are on a
joint venture to produce a CD, to highlight the bribery charges
levelled against Mani Sar, to add fuel to the fire.
Shaji
Isn't it a risky venture ?
Babu
What risk ? We have identified you as the best mimicry artist to
do the role of Mani Sar. You just follow our script, parrot-like.
Shaji
I fear that this 'bar kozha ( bribery ) issue ' could put me behind the
bars. Well..why do you want to tarnish the image of Mani Sar ?
Babu
That's our objective. We know fully that it's impossible to unseat him.
But ,at least we can do the mudslinging. His 50th anniversary of
assembly membership should go to the dogs.
Mohan
It's a sort of psychological warfare. Suppose 10 lakh people
watch our programme about 'the bar kozha'. 4 lakh people won't
believe it. 2 lakh viewers would remain neutral. The other 4 lakh
viewers would believe our story, and would hate Mani Sar. That's
a big gain.
Shaji
But how can we do such a thing ?
Mohan
Time is passing. You must decide now. Or else, there are hundreds of artists dreaming about such a chance.
Babu
If you are willing, we offer you Rs 5 lakhs. Make hay while the sun
shines.
Shaji
Let me discuss the matter with my wife.
( Shaji and Mini move to a corner, and whisper . Shaji comes forward )
Shaji
I agree.
Mohan
That's good. Take this 2 lakhs as advance. The balance will be paid
upon release of the CD. Please come immediately to our studios
to start the rehearsal.
Shaji
Ok sir.
( exit Mohan and Babu )
Shaji
Are we going to land in trouble ?
Mini
Not at all. Nowadays, even the street dogs shun CDs.
Shaji
Then it's double Ok.
( He counts the money excitedly. He lifts Mini, swings her around,
and kisses her.)
Mini
What are you doing? People might see us.
Shaji
Who cares ? This is the age of public kissing.
Mini
Even so...
Shaji
You can rewrite the shopping list, including whatever you like.
Include some Karimeen and prawns.
Mini
Ok, da
( Curtain )
SCENE 2
It's news time on Gutternet TV. Music and visuals. BREAKING
NEWS appears on the screen. The newsreader appears.
Newsreader
We are in possession of a CD containing visuals of Mani Sar
accepting kozha ( bribe ) from a liquor tycoon. We are going to
show you the shocking visuals as ' Exclusive'.
(Scene changes. A mansion. The bribery room in the mansion.
There are many signboards on the wall, eg PAY YOUR BRIBES
HERE, ' NO REFUNDS', 'NO RECEIPTS' etc Enter Shaji, dressed
as Mani Sar. He sits behind a large table.
Enter a liquor tycoon carrying a heavy bag. )
Mani Sar
Have you brought the Rs two crores as agreed upon ?
Liquor tycoon
( very nervous ) Very sorry, sir, I could only raise Rs one crore.
Mani sar
( very annoyed) That you can go and announce in the streets
of Kozha. If you want the bar licence, the full two crores must
be paid. That's final.
Tycoon
I apologise, sir. The times are very hard. I will definitely bring
the balance next week.
Mani sar
Let me make it clear. We Palans ( people of Pala) are very strict
in money matters. We don't like 'if's and 'buts'. When kozha money
is agreed upon, it's sacrosanct. No apologies, no exemptions, no
discounts...no loopholes.. do you hear?
Tycoon
Have mercy on this poor tycoon..
Mani Sar
Then give the damn, f...ing one crore.
( The tycoon puts the bag on the table. He takes out bundles of
100-Rupee notes)
Mani Sar
What nonsense is this ? Don't you know that kozha money should
be paid in 1000 Rupee notes ?
Tycoon
Very sorry sir. The bank didn't have enough 1000 Rupee notes.
You don't need to count all these. These are bundles straight
from the bank.
Mani Sar
I told you, we Palans are very strict with money. If my wife gives
me some money, I count it. I should be extra careful when I accept
money from crooks like you .
Tycoon
I shall help you to count.
Mani Sar
But I can't count on you. You don't worry. ( takes out a
counting machine and puts it on the table). Specially imported
from Switzerland. Counts 1 crore rupees in 5 minutes. Identifies
fake notes.
( He puts the notes in the machine. Red lights flash and beep sound is heard at random . )
Mani Sar
It's done . Total amount : 9945600. You may take the fake notes
for petty
Tycoon
Thanks so much, sir.
Mani Sar
Don't forget to bring the balance. Otherwise you will be barred from
running any bars, do you hear?
Tycoon
Ok Sir. I won't forget.
( Curtain )
Re-published in connection with the 2016 elections
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